Life, Lulo, & Tuning in
It is Wednesday April 24th 2024, 9:58pm. Exactly 7 years since my last post. I type this from my one-bedroom apartment, perched on my cream couch looking into the city realizing how totally unplanned and bizzare the synchronicity of this date is. I was just telling someone that “7” is one of my lucky numbers. Synchronicities have been quite frequent as of recent. It’s nice, they make me feel like i’m moving in the right direction or something, “God winks” of sort.
I have found myself thinking of this blog in the last week or so, fliipping through the contents on my phone and reading what feels like old diary entries. I was a mere junior in high school at the time of the creation of Young Minds. An avenue to share my thoughts in a way that was more permanent yet nostalgic of the pre-perfect-ionized instagram days. I saw this platform as an opportunity to dive deeper into what I felt was a lot of surface level thinking in high school. I wanted to normalize the conversations I was having with my friends and with myself about our dreams, traveling, who was inspiring us, the hard conversations, our favorite music, and more.
Seven years later I find myself craving this same mode of communication and platform again. An outlet for expression, a vulnerable documentation of a twenty something doing the damn trivial twenties. I want truth and honesty. I want risk and fire. I find myself wishing there was a book to make me feel less alone yet something that will push me to think bigger, wilder. Because the fact is, i’ve been trying to fit myself into a box - corporate America. And well, it hasn’t been working…
So, I’ve decided no longer. I’ll leave the rest up for interpretation because I have some finalization to do but no longer will I continue to lie to myself about the way I am feeling. When I first joined my job I wondered if corporate America was about numbing people so they forgot what it felt like before. While discouraging people from talking about the frustrations they felt with their jobs and the culture surrounding it. Somehow normalizing it all. I couldn’t believe all my friends were going through similar things and having similar feelings. Yet it seemed no one warned us about how weird this time is. It felt like a big secret and an even bigger question. What the heck is the point of any of this? And why is no one talking about it? The anger from suppressing my feelings would bubble up weekday to weekday to moments of feeling pretty nuts. Those days I would come home, strip down to my undergarments, throw on the closest leggings and bra, my running shoes and hit the streets of my neighborhood path. My mental frustration nearly reaching its boiling point. Running saved me on these days. It got the bottled energy out. Those runs were music-less. Only the rummaging of too many thoughts kept me company. It took exhaustion to slow down my brain. When it cooled down, I did too.
I’ve felt complacent, stuck, and some other mediocre words i’m sure you can think of yourself. As if i’m sitting in idle or stalled out, watching as my life passes by as I sit in the unmoving car only able to observe and not touch. The truth is, that’s not a fair representation - I’ve grown a lot, I’ve learned a lot, and this experience has been one of the most valuable I’ve ever had. Moving to a new city by myself and jumping into a sales role has quite literally been one of the greatest, yet hardest gifts. My corporate job taught me many valuable lessons about the importance of relationships, communication, organization, time management, goal setting and most of all, about myself. It gave me a proper dose of get your shit together and swim or sink. I chose to swim. Even on the days I felt like I was drowning (there were a few). I have to say I’m extremely thankful for this traumatic year and everything that has come with it. I say traumatic because of some personal things that have happened (I won’t blame everything on the job lol). But nonetheless, the hard truth is that this corporate experience has been fundamental in determining what I value and do not. While allowing me to hone some indispensable skills I wouldn’t have had the chance to gain otherwise. The other thing is - the people. People make the biggest damn difference and I’ve been lucky to come across a couple I will cherish here on til forever. You know who you are and thank you for your continuous support. Doing life is more fun because of ya’ll.
Will all being said, I am ready to embark on this next chapter… You’ll have to stay tuned for the rest.
Until then, we’re so back baby.
XOXO,
Lauren
